Thirteen Years Old
1960
Monday, March 7th
Rained a bit. Very cold during field hockey in the morning. Forgot to bring my needlework to school so she said I was to do ½ the blouse for tomorrow. Then the class made pickled herring.
Aunt Megan was at the farm as I walked in, and she did the blouse for me.
Did not go riding today. Went to play chase down Llan. Had smashing fun.
Horses losing winter coat.
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Nineteen Years Old
1965
Tuesday, March 26th
Got up early, Uncle Gronway here. Nev took dad to specialist for his back, still not right from when cow kicked him, he's going to hospital on Sun. Bob helped me milk. Went for a lovely ride on Paddy up Croeso Hill. Felt on top of world, very warm day. Letter from General Post Office, starting work as a telephone operator a week on Monday, thank God.
Washed my hair in the afternoon. At 6:30 started for Llewelyn's in van, got to cross roads by 7:30. Waited for a bit. He came to meet me on tractor, he led the way home, not very tidy, farm or him!! Took van to next farm to babysit. Lovely place. Parents going to dance. One little girl there. After 10, Llew & I went upstairs, he took his shirt off & I was in my bra, he got very excited, asked if he could make love to me, but virginity comes first—he respected me. I do love him I think. Started from there 12:30. Home 1:30. Ran into Sandra and Wendy in Bay as I stopped for fags. Had my passport in the mail last week!
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Twenty-Two Years Old
1969
Wednesday, January 4th
Woke up 11am, no work today, sun streaming through window, wallowing in it for a long while. Washed hair, bathed, everything felt good & peaceful. At 2 visited David and I went to his friends John & Linda's, rather nervous thinking all there'd be would be an intellectual rap, very wrong impression. Beautiful, genuine people. Then we went for long walk. Vermont beautiful in the snow. Called to see Carol, Mike rather tough towards David. Home around 6—had candlelight dinner with David, dropped some opium, very euphoric feeling—David balled me, ½ erotic ½ loving—doubly euphoric!! Billionly in love.
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Thirty-one Years Old
1977
Thursday, December 1st
6pm
Hello diary,
I'm drunk after 2½ beers, David's mother Sarah just left at 3pm, driving back to Connecticut, David just came home + is lying down with Lynn (I still keep wanting to call her Baby). He says he wants another job he's tired of this one—but is worth hanging on to it for me and Lynn and Fluffy. We also do'nt care if I get knocked up again although David would like that I get pregnant in about 2-3 mnths. As I'm pouring my beer I'm thinking what a lovely family I have with David's father coming up for Thanksgiving + people coming over this last week. Oh god, I'm drunk. I sucked my thumb last night. Sarah says she'd wished shed breast fed. We gave her her Xmas present here—we wrote a $75 cheque for a black suit she bought—I like to see other people happy—maybe that's part of the mothering feeling. I still think of Pedro & I wish I could combine both men, but I'm glad I ended it, David is such a better man—P.S. Its because he got me alive again after a good fuck last night. OK going to read what I previously wrote now.
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Thirty Six Years Old
1982
Friday, April 26th
David's left and & I have no feeling—a little relief maybe. I've drank 3 beers fast—heard Lynn say to Tommy that "Daddy left because Dada & Mama were fighting." Said it pretty non chalant thank God. I feel David is a big kid—not a man in how he's done this. Blamed me the whole way. I'm so disappointed in him. When he said I should be economizing & help him in this transition I couldn't believe it I'd never spent even while the last 7 months of shit was going on. I had Rhys in my arms & he hit me whilst the kids were outside & then pushed me again—I nearly fell—whilst the baby was in my arms—maybe & I'm really certain that's when I really gave up on David—& although he's in an intense love affair (that he calls loving) I feel sorry him. As I wrote that tears sprang to my eyes—I do deeply love him but he's abused me so much I don't feel that so deep anymore. As I'm writing this, Lynn & Tommy, are playing so nice with Lynn singing over & over again "There's a lot of fudge show coming on"!!! Now she's singing "Melrose Spirit Song"! Maybe they too sense my relief of their father gone. He hit this morning because I hadn't got my dates properly of John coming in, I was to miss my Jazzercise tonight—actually I wouldn't have bothered missing it because what happened after he hit was unbelievable—David knew the kids had to go school today as I was coaping at 9:20 after our fight when the kids came in to see what was wrong—he told me he was going to tell the kids there & then about him leaving—I begged him not to cause I wanted to be with them after—but on ahead he went—told them to sit on the bed & proceeded to say he wouldn't be sleeping here anymore, because we'd been so angry with one another for so long—but thank God he said it was nothing to do with them—we both cared for them. God its gotten to the place I thank for small mercies—I've lost so so much confidence in him—he's not the man I loved & make made love to & fucked all the past years—he's become a monster & I'm fighting my tears as I'm thinking & writing that he used to be my whole life and soul.
The kids have separated, Tom playing on the floor with his castle, Lynn singing to herself in the den. God I feel strangely peaceful—thats not quite the right word—I'm so proud how I've acted with the kids.
9pm, later same night
Oh god how I'm disapointed in David. After so many months of agony & hurt my body feels so little but gutsy. That's a strange thing to say but it's true. As I'm writing this Britain is attacking the Faulklands & have regained a foothold. The British are in control of S. Evergera.
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Forty Six Years Old
1992
Saturday, November 7th
Tom soccer game 12 noon (snacks me)
Rhys ' ' 1 pm
Lynn musical theater 330-5. Holiday concert 12/07-12/11.
Kids to David's by 630. Back Sun btwn 7-8.
Rhys leaf project due this Wed—must collect and press ten different leaves and look up the trees.
Tom's first draft science project due 12/09.
Send Jane inventory
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Fifty Two Years Old
1998
Sunday, August 8th
Diversy C.M. Association 427-9898.
345 Dc Mohan—rash on my chest he feels cancerous. Taxol next. Waiting till boys come home from Wales to tell kids. Tom found A.A. meeting in Colwyn Bay. Rhys eager for soccer tryouts this fall.
Lynn to visit Clare in St. Louis. Amtrack leaves Thurs 330 arr St. Louis 905.
1-800-872-7245 $33 Photo ID 2255 Canal St.