regina is sitting in a gray chair in ken's office. there are four empty cans of diet pepsi on ken's desk. ken is reaching underneath his desk for another can of diet pepsi. there is a stack of tabloids on ken's desk. the headline is bold and italicized. it reads: regina caught red handed!!!! the word red is printed in red ink. underneath the headline is a photograph of regina leaving trader joe's with a small tub of trader joe's peanut butter cups. the photograph is of poor quality but the girl in the photograph is clearly recognizable as regina. in the photograph, regina looks as though she is racked with guilt. in the accompanying article, the tabloid speculates that regina's shoplifting problem is a result of her recent breakup with a former co-star. regina thinks this is hilarious. ken does not. ken's face is turning red. his skin looks like melting rawhide. regina crosses and uncrosses her legs. she is not wearing any bronzer and did not bring any with her. ken chugs the rest of his diet pepsi and crushes the empty can in his fist. he says I've had it up to here with the paparazzi trying to make you look bad. I'm gonna sue their asses for libel. ken picks up the receiver of his desk phone and slams it down again.
regina says it's true, I did technically steal them. ken's face is now very, very red. regina imagines that there is steam coming out of his ears like a cartoon character having a conniption fit. ken slams his fist into his open palm and bites the insides of his lips so that his mouth forms a perfect line. he leans back in his chair. regina can tell that ken is trying to act fatherly. she finds this highly amusing. regina thinks this is one of the most entertaining meetings she has ever had. ken asks regina to explain herself. regina tells ken what happened with the woman in the peanut butter cup aisle and how she didn't like being recognized and wanted to get out of the store as quickly as possible. I didn't mean to steal them, she says. she puts forth a small amount of effort towards looking penitent.
ken opens another can of diet pepsi. he offers one to regina and she takes it but does not open it. regina can tell that ken is formulating a plan. ken chews on the inside of his cheek while he thinks. regina crosses and uncrosses her legs. she thinks about how mark/dan's black t-shirt smelled like saltwater and weed the last time she saw him. she thinks about the scab on her wrist.
ken chews on the inside of his cheek for a long time. eventually he says press conference. regina thinks that is unnecessary but doesn't say so. instead she says what will I wear? ken suggests chanel because it exudes class and implies that the wearer is too wealthy to shoplift.